I promised myself I’d write you a letter. Honestly, I had it all in my head last night, and it sounded better then, but hey…a letter is better than no letter right?
You know I’m not as good with words as you are, but I’m going to do my best to express my feelings right now.
Adelaide, we met back when I was in a university. Honestly, back then you were just another follower to me. I didn’t even know who you were. You said you remember your first ask to me. I’m sorry I don’t remember it. If I could, I would go back in time and relieve that moment again.
Because that was the day I found my rainbow.
Adelaide, you said to me, “I’m tired of people coming to me as a stop and go point. Using me until they don’t need me anymore.”
I promise you this, my friendship with you is not like that.
You were the person that filled my life with color. Whenever something bad happened, YOU were the rainbow that cleared my cloudy days. It’s why…I’m scared of losing you. You’re the light in my dark. It’s why I come to you often. During my sad days…I want to see that rainbow. That rainbow that appears after the storm.
Do you know how much I learned from you Adelaide? I changed so much. I could see myself changing to be a better person.
You gave me hope. When you wrote those fics about me…I was stunned how someone who only knew me for a short time could portray me so accurately.
Now, you pretty much know me inside and out. When I have a problem, you pinpoint it right away.
You make sure my gifts and talents don’t go to waste.
Adelaide, it’s not that I question you or that I’m giving you only half of my heart in this friendship.
It’s not that at all. I’m just a coward. A coward who can’t accept how sick you are. I want to pretend like nothing is wrong. Do you know, back then when you first told me, I prayed? I prayed to my grandma who died from leukemia when I was in kindergarden.
I…asked her to make sure you would still be alive to see me grow up. I want to travel with you and visit the world with you.
You asked me how Donghae is different from Cody.
Donghae is the person Cody wants to be. Donghae is always the positive one.
Why? Because by being positive, I’m sending you positive energy. I wanted to be strong for you. I wanted to be the person you could lean on. I worked so hard after you meeting you to change. I really did. I have my bad days, but for the most part, I was happy.
Adelaide…I’m really sorry for causing your heart to break. It wasn’t my intention at all. I was just really angry and I was selfish.
I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I don’t want to lose my rainbow.
I love you.